Thank you………

For the first time ever, I’m awake to see the sunrise as I fly home from another draining business trip to China. The first glimmers of the dawn are breaking across the horizon, as I stare out from the darkness of my blanket cocoon.

Read More

Today was a good day ………

I know that things have sounded very sad recently, and I can’t hide it when I feel that way. This week has been one of the hardest I can remember since losing her last year. I’ve been off work and rattling around the house, trying to rest and pull myself together.

Read More

Broken ……

Nowadays I find myself hesitate before writing the truth down ….. but I can’t change what this is. Like taking the photos… this is me, my soul, my heart, the things I want to remember… come what may. Tonight the highs of the magazine seem washed away by my loss of her yet again. Its raining… it hasn’t stopped for what feels like days, and my heart is drowning in this swirl of memories.

Read More

Fallen Apples ……

Its been over a month…… and I am still working so hard on my secret project. I’ve kind of made myself ill again through stress, worry and trying to bring together all the things I need.

But I just sat here, surrounded by post-it notes, and scraps of paper with lists…. catching my exhausted reflection in the glass of my work laptop….and I stopped……. and remembered what this is all about.

Read More

Becoming 33

There are times when I want to write so much in this blog, and then I stop and wonder if its right that I share these thoughts so publicly. I don’t always talk about the day to day people because I want to protect their privacy, or mine… but there are other times when doing this is all that feels right, and it is the only way I can make sense of what is happening.

Read More

Been Gone A Long Time ……….

smile for the camera
I messed up, I miss my mum,…. I started writing about China and then I stopped. This is me trying to make it up, trying to get back on track, and so as you can see the opening paragraph starts way back in December 08. Deep breath….. here I go, I’ve been gone a long time ……………….

Read More

She Died on a Sunday…….

The day she diedShe died on a Sunday; it was Remembrance Sunday, November 9th 2008.

She was 63, and it was only a handful of weeks since her birthday… a birthday I missed, the first one I had ever forgotten since I was born. My life has revolved around her survival for so long, that dates like birthdays had dissolved into the grey matter that was everyday life.

Read More