‘Black Narcissus’ (Self portrait)
I’m sitting here staring at this photo, and I realise how much it still burns to look back at myself like this………. This time last year I had different sorrows, my mother was yet to be diagnosed, and instead I was recovering from being ill myself. I had felt so lost, so heart broken and worthless. My only therapy had been to lose myself in strangers, taking pictures of the ones I felt connected to, the ones that reflected my sadness
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I messed up, I miss my mum,…. I started writing about China and then I stopped. This is me trying to make it up, trying to get back on track, and so as you can see the opening paragraph starts way back in December 08. Deep breath….. here I go, I’ve been gone a long time ……………….
She died on a Sunday; it was Remembrance Sunday, November 9th 2008.
She was 63, and it was only a handful of weeks since her birthday… a birthday I missed, the first one I had ever forgotten since I was born. My life has revolved around her survival for so long, that dates like birthdays had dissolved into the grey matter that was everyday life.
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I can’t keep up with all the emails I have been sent……… i just want to say I’m sorry and thank you for your kind, kind words. I have read them all, and I am so touched with the personal stories people have shared with me. Every one of them is so dear to my heart…….. things are just too hard right now, my heart is breaking.
‘Le Jardin De Ma Mere’
To be honest I don’t know where to begin with this diary entry. For so long I have kept silent about what has really been happening in my life, that these pages have become quieter and shorter as the weeks have rolled by.
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‘Fragile’
It was late and my train had left without me.
Another night when the relentless weight of her was all I could feel pulling my every step to the ground.
This hurts more than I can ever say…….
He came towards me, a human mirror, made of cloth and bone.
A faded life… forgotten.
A silent fragment of utter sadness, shuffling in circles, avoiding the footsteps of others.
We stood together, eyes glazed under the neon that swallowed us both…
He was all I felt, and all I now have ahead of me to fear,
He had been left behind……….
.‘Dark Light’ is a new set I’ve just finished. It’s so personal i’ve chosen not to write about it this time.
This will be the shortest entry in my blog to date, because typing h-h-h-hurts. All I can say is, you may look like a geek but people… wear a helmet, and hand protectors / knee pads…. and well, full body armor when going to a bike ride………and maybe you won’t end up looking like this.
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‘Ladies Choice’
My posts are a little back to front and upside down at the moment, so sorry for the jumping around from one country to another…… I’m still working on the Hong Kong pictures, but I thought I’d share some of them with you before it all feels too stale……..
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He took me away from it all…… It was my birthday and escape was the best present I could have hoped for. He chose a beautiful apartment and looked after me, like he always has done.We expected sun but were followed by the English rain,
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