I’m meant to be writing about the project, I’m behind with the words and the pictures are taking so long to edit. There is so much to do and right now I’m sitting here just falling apart for the millionth time this month. She died one year ago tomorrow and I can’t pull myself together. I’m so tired, I’m sadder than I can remember, I have felt like this for so, so long, to the point where I feel I can’t even tell anyone any more
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‘Mimi’
So this is it….. The Crystal Fighters shoot. I’m waiting on hearing about other magazines using the pictures… there’s a possibility of them getting in The Sunday Times, which would give me good cause to pass out with excitement!
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I’m still working on the final shot, but another picture has come out, so I had to post it !!! I just bought 2 copies of the NME like a silly kid !!! YAY !!! Oh and its also being used in The Guardian newspaper online !!!
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Ok ….. I admit my blog has been pretty rubbish recently. I have had so many things going on I feel like I haven’t stopped to breathe for weeks and weeks. I have been limply promising to upload the Crystal Fighters band shoot since May, along with the behind the scenes photos, and endless other things have happened too
There are times when I want to write so much in this blog, and then I stop and wonder if its right that I share these thoughts so publicly. I don’t always talk about the day to day people because I want to protect their privacy, or mine… but there are other times when doing this is all that feels right, and it is the only way I can make sense of what is happening.
Read More›I am so tired I can barely type….. but i just had to say something about today. I will write up a full and glorious entry about the day, and work my way through the hundreds of photos from the shoot asap. BUT i just had to say….. today, was simply the best day of 2009 for me.
Read More›I have some good news……… yes good news…………… yes I said GOOD news! (finally)
Its ‘Photography’ news 😉
Firstly, and the most exciting part for me is that I have been ‘published’? In an online Italian Arts magazine called ‘Day Dreaming Magazine’.
‘Black Narcissus’ (Self portrait)
I’m sitting here staring at this photo, and I realise how much it still burns to look back at myself like this………. This time last year I had different sorrows, my mother was yet to be diagnosed, and instead I was recovering from being ill myself. I had felt so lost, so heart broken and worthless. My only therapy had been to lose myself in strangers, taking pictures of the ones I felt connected to, the ones that reflected my sadness
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I messed up, I miss my mum,…. I started writing about China and then I stopped. This is me trying to make it up, trying to get back on track, and so as you can see the opening paragraph starts way back in December 08. Deep breath….. here I go, I’ve been gone a long time ……………….
She died on a Sunday; it was Remembrance Sunday, November 9th 2008.
She was 63, and it was only a handful of weeks since her birthday… a birthday I missed, the first one I had ever forgotten since I was born. My life has revolved around her survival for so long, that dates like birthdays had dissolved into the grey matter that was everyday life.
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